Though a hardly talked about
topic, rape is a problem in many matrimonial homes. The unfortunate
scenario in this case is that the victims live with their abusers and
are often too scared to voice out their pain, for societal, cultural and
other such reasons. Catherine Agbo and Ruth Choji, Abuja and Solomon
Ayado, Makurdi, write
In July 2013, one Maryam Yahaya made a
confessional statement to the police in Plateau State that she killed
her husband, Lawal Bala, by stabbing him with a knife on his neck while
the deceased was sleeping in his bedroom in his home at Layin Sidi,
Gangare, in Jos North local government area of the state, shortly after
he returned from his business.
The 17-year-old Maryam, who claimed
to have been forcefully married to the deceased, not long before the
incident, told the police that she had to end her late husband’s life
because she could no longer contend with his insatiable appetite for
sex, alleging that he often had sexual intercourse with her up to six
times in a day and would force her against her wish most of the time.
Stories
of men having forceful sexual intercourse with their wives against
their wishes abound. As Africans, it is unheard of in this part of the
world that a woman would accuse her husband of raping her as she is
deemed to be his property by virtue of the dowry he paid on her and can
do with her as he wishes, including having sexual intercourse with her
even against her wish. Cases of marital rape abound.
Marital rape
is a situation where someone uses violence or the threat of violence to
force their wife or husband to have sex. Reporting rape in marriage may
become even more complicated because of a woman’s relationship to her
assailant. Women raped by their husbands may hesitate to report because
of family loyalty, fear of their abuser’s retribution, inability to
leave the relationship, or they may not know that rape in marriage is
against the law.
In November 2013, a 45-year-old trader, Muina
Adelami, asked a Lagos Family Court in Lagos State to dissolve her
eight-year-old marriage to her husband, Shuaib, a clerical officer, on
the ground that his sex drive was high. According to her, the husband
would have sex with her against her wish and beat her if she resisted
him. She recalled an incident when she fainted and after assisting her
to come round, he continued having sex with her.
“We start having
sex every night just before midnight and this goes on till the early
hours of the next day. Many times, immediately after he comes back from
work, he starts demanding for sex. He would refuse to stand up even when
I am crying and will start beating me whenever I complain. There were
times I did faint, but when I regain consciousness, he would start
again. The way he’s going, he will kill me. I now look older than my age
mates due to too much sex,” she told the court.
In his defence,
Shuaib admitted to having a high sex drive, but added that it was his
right to have sex with his wife, adding that sex cannot kill her.
Speaking
on the issue of marital rape, a lawyer, Emmanuel Adoga stated that
“both the Penal Code which is applicable in northern states, and the
Criminal Code (in the west) define rape to be sexual intercourse with a
woman or carnal knowledge of a woman when consent is obtained by use of
fraud, force, intimidation, threats to life, or physical harm. “Carnal
knowledge” and sexual intercourse are defined for the purposes of both
codes as acts of penetration. Under the Criminal Code, a woman may be
prosecuted under the law prohibiting “unnatural” intercourse for
“permitting” a man to have such intercourse with her. It is thus only
when it can be proved that a person has contravened the ingredients of
an offence as defined by the relevant penal legislation that such a
person can be found guilty of committing that offence.”
Continuing,
he said, “concerning marital rape, the question is whether or not a man
can be liable for the offence of rape against his wife and therefore
necessarily entails the consideration of the provisions of the Criminal
Code Act Cap C17 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria (applicable as Laws
of the various States in the Southern part of Nigeria except Lagos State
where the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2011 applies) and the Penal Code
Act (applicable in the FCT, Abuja and also applicable as Laws of the
various northern states) to ascertain the physical and mental elements
of the offence because Rape is defined in Section 357 of the Criminal
Code and by Section 358 of the Code; the offence is punishable with
imprisonment for life with or without caning. Section 357 of the
Criminal Code provides: Any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a
woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent
is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any
kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false and fraudulent
representation as to the nature of the act, or, in the case of a married
woman, by personating her husband, is guilty of an offence which is
called rape. But Section 282 (2) states that, (2) Sexual intercourse by a
man with his own wife is not rape, if she has attained puberty and
because of this law, in the North, a man can only be guilty of the
offence of rape against his wife if his wife has not attained the age of
puberty. And that is why when women report cases of marital rape to the
police, they find it hard to provide adequate assistance. The victim
who has found the police to be unresponsive will then refuse to open up
again. They will rather speak to their religious advisers who don’t
really help except to encourage them to bear it. Women who are raped by
their husbands are likely to experience multiple assaults and often
suffer severe long-term physical and emotional consequences. It is most
times more traumatic than rape by a stranger because a wife lives with
her assailant and she may live in constant terror of another assault
whether she is awake or asleep.”
A psychologist, Mr Adebayo
Adewuti, said, “emotional reactions to marital rape can be very dramatic
and severe because the act is done by an intimate partner. The effects
could be injuries to the vaginal and anal areas, scrapes, cuts, bruises
and soreness, torn muscles, fatigue, vomiting, broken bones, injuries
caused by weapons, miscarriages or stillbirths, contraction of
sexually-transmitted infections, including HIV, shock, anxiety and
intense fear, depression, suicidal ideation, acute and post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD), loss of trust, shock, anxiety and intense fear,
depression, suicidal ideation and acute and PTSD. Marital rape survivors
may have flash backs, inability to trust, depression, and traumatic
stress disorder, indignation and persecution of all forms of rape will
take time. The physical effects of spousal rape are the same effects
suffered by any rape victim and it could be that, some marital rape
victims don’t realise they have been raped as they are under the
mistaken impression that partners cannot rape each other.
He
further categorised rape as battering rape, which occurs when physical
and sexual violence occur together, saying in this instance, victims may
experience physical and sexual violence at the same time or one may
occur after another and that the rape may occur after the physical
violence as an attempt to “make up.”
“There are different types of
marital rape and these include force-only rape that does not include
physical violence, obsessive rape involves torture or perverse sexual
acts,” Adewuti added.
A Muslim cleric, Mallam Yahaya Sani, stated that forcing a wife into sex or marital rape is forbidden in Islam.
“If
a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry,
the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” Qur’an, 2.187 ‘they are
garments for you and you are garments for them,” and this is how each
spouse acts, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for the other. The
spouse should fulfil the sexual needs of the other such that their
desires are brought into check and they are able to stay away from the
haram, both major (such as fornication). Muslim couples who are happy in
bed are happy in their marriage. Islam is a religion of peace, and
honours women and most of the hadith talks about how to treat women. Ibn
Abidin says, ‘among the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is
allowed to derive sexual pleasure from the other. Both husband and wife
have the right to fulfil each other’s sexual needs.
“That is why
the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said that,
“If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps
angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” It is not sexual
abuse rather, it is to protect the marriage bed and keep it undefiled,
where each spouse rushes to fulfil the rights and desires of the other.
The messenger of Allah also stated that, ‘the most perfect of believers
are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of
you to your spouses. The best of you are the best to their wives, and I
am the best of you with my wives. He created for you spouses from
yourselves that ye might find rest. A Muslim husband is forbidden to
harm or abuse his wife! He has to act kindly towards his wife. Islam
also says that ‘O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women
against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may
take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have
been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a
footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be
that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of
good.’ Qu’ran An-nisa 19 also says, ‘we all know that, husband’s urges
are so strong, and to prevent him from acting out on them illicitly, a
wife’s duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in order to
preserve the marriage”.
A Christian cleric, Pastor Tunde
Adegboyega of Resurrection Power and Life Ministry also condemned
marital rape, saying, “1 Corinthians 7:1-5 says it is a husband’s duty
to provide sexual satisfaction to his wife and it is a wife’s duty to
provide sexual satisfaction to her husband, the sexual act within
marriage is honourable.
“Marriage is honourable among all, and the
bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews
13:4). Sex within marriage is considered something pure and undefiled.
As Christians, though we know it is lawful, we want to be like Jesus.
That’s the reason why forcing sex on the spouse is a sin. It’s a sin of
hypocrisy. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says the wife does not have authority over
her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does
not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. But a husband
forcing sex on his wife without her willing participation is sinning
because he is abusing his wife. It says quite clearly that the husband
has authority over the wife’s body, and the wife has authority over the
husband’s body. However, the husband cannot forcibly take what his wife
has not offered. His physical need is not an excuse for abuse.”
In
Benue State, though the issue is not very common as victims seldom talk
about it, it has been discovered that there are a few cases of men who
forcefully have carnal knowledge of their wives without seeking due
consent. Sometimes the act is attributed to lack of understanding and
harmony in a marriage.
Commenting on the matter, a clergy in
charge of Faith Cathedral, Makurdi, Archbishop Yimam Orkwar described
marital rape as act of irresponsibility, saying that it does not portend
a good quality of Christianity.
According to him, when couples
are legally married, they are entitled to each other except where
disharmony is found, adding that before having carnal knowledge, the
consent of both must be sought.
He said the act of rape is unholy
and ungodly and urged those who indulge in it to desist in order to
inherit the kingdom of God.
“The issue of matrimonial rape is not
holy at all. When couples at married, they are legally joined together
and are free to have physical contact with each, but it must be done in
agreement of both parties.
“It is wrong when a man rapes a spouse
rape another who are legally married. Women are expected to be
submissive to their husbands but in doing this, the men too must realise
that women has the right and so only harmonious coexistence can prevent
this unholy act.” Orkwar stated.
A Muslim cleric, Alhaji
Abdukadir Abubakar said the issue of matrimonial rape is against the
tenets of Islam and urged people to desist from it.
According to
Abubakar, though women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands,
it is equally imperative for men not to forcefully have carnal knowledge
of their wives. This, he said, will uphold the true respect of men on
womanhood.
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