Published on March 12, 2012 by TheNEWS · 2 Comments
Apart from deaths, immediate physical injuries and mental anguish capable of increasing future risk to ill-health are the lot of victims of marital violence
Until last year, Akolade Arowolo was only known to members of his family and circle of friends. Last June, the 30-year-old unemployed graduate leapt out of obscurity to unenviable national attention, when he was arrested for allegedly murdering his wife, Titilayo, a 28-year-old banker. Arowolo was not the first Nigerian man to kill his wife, but the vileness with which he allegedly carried out the act sparked a gust of public outrage. Arowolo, who is currently being prosecuted, was alleged to have stabbed his wife over 20 times before fleeing their home. Nelson Ekoh, lawyer to Titilayo’s family, said Arowolo used two knives and a hammer to kill the wife. One of the knives, he said, broke in her neck.
“At their home at 8, Dr. Akindehinde Street, Isolo, Lagos, an internal organ was found on the floor, her eyes almost gouged out and there are so many stab wounds on her body. There are about 20 stab wounds in her head and face alone, while there are several other stab wounds on other parts of her body,” claimed the lawyer. Arowolo continues to plead not guilty to the murder charge. Up till now, what drove Arowolo to grotesquely carve up his wife remains unknown. But there is no doubt that the marriage had been badly strained before Titilayo’s murder on 24 June 2011.
Odion Ukhoria’s case is slightly different. The 41-year-old man appeared before a magistrates’ court in Ebute-Metta, Lagos, to face murder charges. Ukhoria was arraigned for allegedly killing his wife, Ifeoma, at their residence. The cause of the disagreement that led to the tragedy was said to have been Ifeoma’s refusal to prepare eba, a meal of processed cassava, for his lunch. Ukhoria’s lawyer pleaded that his client may have committed the offence in annoyance. Ukhoria is currently in detention at the Ikoyi Prisons, awaiting trial.
On 31 January, Nkechi Ngene, a mother of two, who was eight months pregnant, was killed by her husband, a motorcycle spare parts dealer popularly known as Chico Chime in Akwuke Autonomous Community in Enugu State. Nkechi was said to have suspected that her husband was cheating on her and confronted him over it. This set him off, as he set upon her, beating her until she started bleeding profusely. Apparently scared by the havoc he had caused, Chico fled. Ngene, who kept bleeding, quickly called a friend, who rushed her to a nearby hospital. Two days later, she died. Chico has not been seen since then.
Last December, Ifeoma Iwuchukwu, 33, escaped death by a hair’s breadth, after her husband, Solomon, 54, attempted to strangle her at their residence at 21, Anthony Udoh Street in Ajao Estate in Lagos State. Ifeoma was also eight months pregnant. Solomon claimed that Ifeoma had denied him of sex, something that made him force his way into the room his wife was sleeping and attempt to strangle her. She was saved by her sister. Ifeoma, who said her husband was fond of beating her, claimed her marriage became strained after her husband returned from a European country and opened a sachet water factory at Sango-Ota in Ogun State. But the venture collapsed because of mismanagement, claimed Ifeoma, who said her husband blamed her for the collapse of his business.
However, Iwuchukwu told the Police that his wife had denied him sex since since he returned to the country. He claimed that she was always locking herself inside her room. Ifeoma explained that she only stopped having sex with Iwuchukwu because she was at an advanced stage of pregnancy. She claimed that the husband was aware of her history of miscarriages, but unwilling to consider that. “He doesn’t treat me as his wife at all and believes that I am his property to be used at will,” she lamented.
Spousal violence, however, is not a one-way street. On 18 February, Ifeanyi Anaekwe slumped and died after his wife, Chikodili, smashed a pestle on him at Ago-Okota, Lagos, during a scuffle. The scuffle erupted over the husband’s failure to buy disposable diapers and infant formula for their child. After Ifeanyi slumped, Chikodili stabbed him many times. Neighbours said the deceased, who was about leaving for work, had explained to his wife that he didn’t have enough money, which infuriated his wife.
Another marital tragedy caused by money was the one between one Abubakar and his wife, Hafsat, in Damaturu, Yobe State. The incident, which occurred last November, saw Abubakar bathe his 25-year-old wife with acid, following a disagreement over N7,000. Hafsat, who had been married to Abubakar for eight years, was said to have asked her husband to repay a N10,000 loan he was owing her. But he told her that he didn’t have the money. When Hafsat later checked his bag, she found N7,000 and took it. Abubakar insisted that she should return the money, but she refused. He then threatened to do something to her that would cost her more than the money. Abubakar did not carry out his threat immediately. He told the wife he was travelling to Potiskum. Whether he did or not remains unclear. But about 1 a.m., he returned home and bathed Hafsat with acid. “At first, I thought it was water. But the liquid became so hot and I realised that my face was damaged. That was when I was rushed to the hospital,” she lamented.
For Samson Igbinomewahin, a 47-year-old corporal attached to the Special Fraud Unit of the Nigeria Police in Lagos, the refusal of his wife, Susan, to fund his emigration to Malaysia merited an acid bath. On 9 March last year, at Block 8, Room 31, Obalende Police Barracks in Lagos, Igbinomewahin returned with a polythene bag which he said contained infant formula for their child. But when Susan saw the content, she fled. Igbinomewahin chased her and succeeded in pouring the dangerous substance on her through the window. Susan later claimed that her husband wanted to go to Malaysia and asked her to fund trip, with a promise that he would send for her to come over when he must have settled. When she said she could not afford to fund the trip, her husband suggested that she should sell her landed property and use the proceeds to fund his trip. She rejected the suggestion.
The circumstance that earned Susan an acid bath was similar to the one that claimed the life of Latini Audu, a primary school teacher in Daudu District of Jabba Local Government Area of Kaduna State. The couple had a disagreement over Latini’s refusal to collect a motorcycle loan offered to teachers in the school. Her husband tried unsuccessfully to get her to change her mind. He decided to kill her. One night, he locked their six children up in a room before stabbing the wife to death. He then set the house ablaze. Somehow, the children managed to escape and alerted the villagers. But the house had been razed before help came. Audu escaped only to be found later by a team of policemen dangling on a tree where he had hung himself.
Money was also the cause of the violent episode between Andrew Amonu and his 35-year-old wife, Ngozi. Last June, Amonu attacked Ngozi at their home in Oshodi, Lagos. The decade-old marriage was contracted when Amonu was affluent. He claimed he gave his wife N550,000 to start a business. Shortly after he gave the sum to Ngozi, claimed Amonu, his own business collapsed.
This, he explained, encouraged his wife to be disrepectful and wayward. He alleged that his attempts to stop her misbehaviour failed. Ngozi then moved to dump him by seeking a divorce at Oshodi Customary Court, where she claimed she no longer loved her husband. She also alleged that her husband had left her to shoulder every responsibility in the home, including the payment of the rent. Apparently feeling used, Amonu attempted to strangle her. When that failed, Amonu stabbed her in the face with a broken mirror. Further damage was prevented by the intervention of neighbours.
The experiences of some famous international music stars in the hands of their violent spouses also rankle. American soul singer, Tina Turner, could have been a dead figure now if she had remained with Ike Turner, her first and only husband. They married in 1960. For 16 years, Tina’s matrimony to Ike was hell, as Ike was always battering her. In 1976, she realised that if she must continue living, she should flee Ike’s home. And that was exactly what she did, splitting from him in 1976 and formally divorcing him in 1978. As she was to later capture in her best-selling album, What’s Love Got To Do With It (1984), love and common sense should be orphans in a violence-ridden marriage.
In contemporarry times, the story of Rihanna is also fresh in the memory of those who followed reports of her traumatic experience in her relationship with Chris Brown. It was pity all over the world some three years ago when photographs of Rihanna, allegedly badly bruised by Chris, flashed in news media. Although smitten with child-love for Chris then, Rihanna was compelled to sever the relationship to save her life.
Experts believe that intimate partner abuse, particularly those that end tragically, are somewhat encouraged by the victims, who fail to speak out because of shame, fear of losing their marriages or in obedience to certain cultural and religious prescriptions that oppose divorce. There is also the fear of what will happen to the children in the event of a divorce or separation. Dr. Olufemi-Kayode and Effah- Chukuma are of the view that lack of communication causes spousal violence more than any reason. “We have lots of issues of communication breakdown. We rarely communicate here. A man doesn’t communicate when he has issues. A woman, regardless of her education doesn’t speak up if she has issues she is not pleased with,” she averred.
Mrs. Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, Executive Director, Project Alert on Violence Against Women, blames societal pressure for women’s silence in abusive marriages or other intimate relationships. She said: “It is because of you and I. It is because of society. This same society of ours tells us what to do and what not to do; even on your wedding day, even right from when you are small. Even in church or in the court, when you are getting married, they will tell you don’t let a third party hear what is happening in your marriage; just be patient, bear it, pray it away. No matter how much you pray, you cannot pray away your problems. Even the Bible says that faith without action is dead,” she told TheNEWS.
Victims are also believed to remain silent because spousal violence is largely regarded as belonging to the private sphere by the police, except when it is fatal. Dr. Princess Olufemi-Kayode, Executive Director, Media Concern Initiative, said: “If I walk to a police station now and say I have just been beaten by my partner, they will tell me to go back home or they will try to bring in the man to try to mediate.”
She advised victims to quit such relationships before they get killed or maimed. “Just walk out of the relationship. The reason I am asking the person to walk out is not because I want to destroy any marriage, but I don’t want the person to die. They can say: ‘He has not hit me up to that level.’ But he has hit you until your head got stitched. The next time, you might recieve a knock and you may not come out of it,” she warned.
What are the causes of domestic violence and why does it persist? Dr. Kayode Taiwo of the Department of Psychology, University of Ibadan, identifies a number of factors.
“It has to do with personality, disposition and the cognitive. Cognitive is the way of mental processes. The affective is the emotional side, the feeling. For instance, someone may be on the quiet side and yet be violent. When such decides to vent his or her anger, it is going to be physical or verbal. But there must be underlying factors to what is seen physically and that becomes internal. For instance, individuals without good self-esteem may not be able to handle provocation. What might be provocative to one person might not be provocative to another. These are things we cannot see. The frame of mind, the cognitive, the mental state, the affective state could produce what is seen outside,” said Taiwo.
Professor Josephine Odey of the Department of Curriculum and Teaching, Benue State University, Makurdi, believes that a major cause of marital violence is the power relation that exists between men and women. “The woman is considered to be subordinate to the man. It is a cultural thing all over the world and then there is the issue of poverty,” she said.
Dr. Olufemi-Kayode and Effah-Chukuma are of the view that lack of communication causes spousal violence more than any reason. “We have lots of issues of communication breakdown. We rarely communicate here. A man doesn’t communicate when he has issues. A woman, regardless of her education, doesn’t speak up if she has issues she is not pleased with,” Effa-Chukwuma said.
Spousal or domestic violence also takes many forms. Experts define it as marked by any intentional and persistent abuse of anyone in a home in a way that causes pain, distress or injury. This could take the form of physical abuse – beating, kicking, choking; verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect (failure to provide for dependants); and economic abuse (defrauding, manipulating and exploiting intimate partners for monetary gains).
Reliable data on marital violence are either non-existent or not reliable enough to encourage accurate conclusions on its prevalence. But nobody thinks it does not exist.
In a survey conducted in Lagos by Project Alert in 2001, 64.4 per cent of 45 women interviewed said they had been physically abused by a partner (boyfriend or husband), 56.6 per cent of 48 market women interviewed admitted going through such violence. Similar interviews carried out in Oyo state and other parts of Nigeria, yielded similar results. The incidence of domestic violence is high.
Five years ago, a study carried out on the factors associated with domestic violence in Igboland revealed that 70 per cent of those interviewed reported abuse in their family, with 92 per cent of the victims being female and the remaining 8 per cent being male.
The most common forms of abuse identified were shouting at a partner (93 per cent), slapping or pushing (77 per cent) and punching and kicking (40 per cent).
Nollywood actress, Stella Damasus, believes that marital violence is rampant because the society does not consider it a big enough problem. In an emotion-laden article, When Is It Enough, published in PM NEWS, she told a story of a friend who was murdered by her husband. Damasus disclosed that before her friend died, her husband had battered her repeatedly. But each time she was battered, she would run to the pastor of her church for counselling. And the pastor would advise her to pray about it, that God hates divorce. “We had all prayed, complained, reported and fought, just to get him to stop beating her. I was tired of seeing the black eye, the swollen face, the bruised arms and the constant headaches. It was so bad that I had to tell him that one day he would do something really bad to his wife and end up behind bars. Little did I know that the day in question is approaching,” she wrote.
Damasus also bemoans the church’s attitude to wife battering. “My question today is: What does the church do in cases like this? Is it saying that because of doctrines, women should remain there and die? Is it saying that apart from prayer, there is no other way to help?” she asked.
The article drew a torrent of responses, particularly personal testimonies from victims. One Ngozi commented: “Thanks for bringing succour to the oppressed. It is only the living that can tell stories. Thank God I am alive today. Mine wasn’t a case of beating or as bad and pathetic as the story I just read. It is a case of oppression, humiliation, slavery and abandonment, just to mention but a few. I believe I will one day have the opportunity to tell my full story.”
Another respondent, named Adeola and based in Texas, United States, wrote: “I was in a similar situation, I never cried to any one. I knew deep down in my heart I made a mistake, but did not know how to go back to my family or cry for help. I never stopped praying. After losing two pregnancies in two years and crying myself to sleep and waking up in tears every day, I woke up like a possessed woman one morning and started hauling my things in my car. I left and he almost gave my phone a heart attack. He finally came to my parents’ house to see me, but obviously could not come inside. We became dependent on each other in a very unhealthy way. As always, prayers and support from my family and friends finally brought everything to an end. Leaving the abusive husband is the first step and most important. You still have to find yourself and know how to cope without him. I am happy and now have a fabulous career, engaged to another wonderful man.”
A male contributor, named Leonard Joshua, wrote that in 1982, he kidnapped an in-law who was always beating his immediate elder sister in Nnewi. That act, he claimed, stopped the assault his sister was going through in the hands of her husband.
Another lady named Oluwaseun wrote that she witnessed spousal abuse in her home as a child. “I saw it all in my parents. My mum, too, was quiet and just went along, but somehow they got separated.
Now I am a grown woman and over the years, I have read stories, articles, research documents, etc about wife battery, causes and results. One thing that is common, especially in Africa, is that the woman does not want to be seen as having a failed marriage. There is also the fear of being a single mum, which is attributed to raising half-baked children, who turn out to be miscreants, prostitutes, etc in the society. It is so bad that one day I heard a pastor preaching and said a woman should never leave her husband else she will raise bad children.”
Olufemi-Kayode, however, advised that a mother who is alive, but not at home, is better than one that is dead. She insists that it is better to quit a violent marriage even when it has already produced children.
Effah-Chukwuma reckons that marriages cannot exist without conflicts, but suggests that effective management will stop such from becoming violent. “There will always be conflict. But the energy we channel towards resolving this conflict is what determines whether it is positive or negative. If we channel positive energy into it, we can, to a large extent, bring it to the barest minimum or even end it. It is possible to end domestic violence and promote dialogue, communication, alternative to violent causes between couples. You don’t need to carry a pestle and a gun at each other as if you are at a war front,” she said.
Last week, the government of the United Kingdom unveiled the Clare’s Law, a pilot scheme aimed at allowing women to find out about their prospective partner’s past, especially as it relates to gender violence. Asked how she sees the law, Olufemi-Kayode said that battery still persists in societies despite the laws that exist in them.
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